A Beautiful Mess
by LittleTayy
Summary: Stephanie and Paul welcome a new baby into their lives but a time meant to be filled with love and joy is quickly turned upside as they struggle to achieve the happiness they once had.
1. Prologue

_A Beautiful Mess_

_Prologue _

* * *

Stephanie cried out in frustration as she heard the doctor tell her to give just one more big push. She was beyond exhausted; she had been in labor for just over 24 hours, this was her longest labor yet and she just wanted it to be over and done with already. She pushed with all the strength she had left and closed her eyes with a happy sigh as she heard the faint cries of her baby.

The hand that had been clinging to Paul's loosened slightly as tiredness started to take over now that the labor was finished. Her eyes opened lazily as she heard a nurse ask if she wanted to hold her new baby boy and she grinned. She and Paul had decided not to find out the sex of the baby and despite the three daughters they already had she had been expecting another girl. A little boy though wasn't a bad thing; in fact she knew Paul would be ecstatic about it.

She held the baby boy in her arms, smiling down at him tiredly as she felt Paul sit by her side, an arm coming around her shoulders. Steph turned to look at him, her heart skipping a beat at the look of pure unadulterated love and joy she could see shining in his eyes. Paul pressed a tender kiss to her temple as he rested a large hand over the swaddled baby in her arms.

"God I love you Stephanie," her husband told her, voice thick with emotion. "And I already love this little boy so much as well," he continued, grinning goofily.

"I love you too," she replied as the little boy in her arms started to cry again.

She shifted him in her arms, rubbing his back softly, trying to soothe him. He continued to fuss in her arms and Stephanie sighed, already too tired to try anything more. Paul, seeing his wife's tiredness and knowing she needed to rest stood up, stretching his arms out to her on the bed.

"Here, let me take him," he told her softly, "I haven't held him yet," he continued, smiling softly at mother and son.

Stephanie despite being exhausted could tell what he was doing and was silently grateful, handing their son over to her husband carefully. She smiled, heart filling with love at the image of Paul, big and strong, grinning goofily down at his son. It had been the same with each of their children before and the sight never failed to make her fall even more in love with him than she already was.

As Paul gently rocked their newborn son Stephanie couldn't help but notice how the baby almost immediately stopped fussing in his father's arms. A little pang of hurt shot through her chest but she shook it off quickly, it didn't mean anything really; the baby was barely an hour old. The thought left her mind quickly as a yawn passed through her lips and she patted the sliver of space on the bed beside her, gesturing for her husband to sit down.

He sat on the edge just barely, gaze still mostly transfixed on the little boy in his arms, "We need a name," he told her, glancing up at her. Stephanie nodded her head in agreement as she settled back on the bed.

"Do you have any suggestions?" she asked, letting her hand linger over his thigh as he held the baby.

Paul nodded, "Actually I do. What do you think about Nathan?" he asked, looking at her hopefully.

"I like it," she nodded. "Nathan Vincent?" she suggested, smiling at her husbands nod.

"Are you a Nathan, baby?" Paul cooed to the little boy, chuckling lightly when the baby waved his fist eagerly in the air. "I think that's a yes Steph," he told his wife.

"Welcome to the world Nathan Vincent Levesque," Stephanie said softly, smiling brightly but tiredly at her husband and son.

* * *

_AN: So this is my first ever wrestling fic and let me tell you, I never thought I would be writing fanfiction for wrestling. Ever. At all! Haha. But here we are. _

_Anyway, this story just won't leave me alone, whatsoever. I love Triple H (Paul Levesque) and Stephanie McMahon together so much and I hope after 10 years of marriage, I'm still in as much love as they are. This is a bit short and a little rush but I needed this to happen to set up the rest of the story. Also, this is set in 2012 purely because I like the fact that they had children almost 2 years apart exactly. Little Nathan Vincent Levesque's birthday is the 30th of July; tell me what you think about his name, by the way!_

_I think that's it for now. I hope you enjoyed and please review! :) LittleTayy._


	2. One

_A Beautiful Mess_

_One _

* * *

It had been four weeks since Stephanie had given birth to little Nathan Levesque and it seemed everyone was finding it a hard transition having a baby in the house. Nathan unlike his older sisters was turning out to be quite the fussy baby and Stephanie had to admit it was a little stressful.

Stephanie sighed as she stepped into Paul and hers bedroom, Nathan in her arms, as he packed his suitcase for Raw. It was to be his first show back since the baby had been born and for some reason Stephanie was dreading him leaving even if it was only for a few nights. This would be her first time looking after Nathan and the girls by herself since they'd brought him home and it was making her a little nervous.

She set a finally settled Nathan down in his bassinet by the bed before turning to her husband and sinking down onto their bed. Paul looked up from his packing as he felt Steph's gaze on him and frowned a little at the expression on her face. He dropped the shirt in his hand into the suitcase, pushing it over as he sat down next to his wife.

"Steph, what's up?" he asked concerned, reaching out a hand to hold her smaller one in his own.

Stephanie shrugged, feeling a little silly now that Paul was actually asking what was wrong. She didn't know specifically what it was but she did know she was nervous about being left alone with all four children for no particular reason. She sighed, moving to lean her head against her husbands shoulder as she tried to figure out what to say.

"It's nothing really I'm just…a little nervous about looking after all four of them. It's been a while since I've had to look after a baby and little children on my own. I'm just glad Aurora is a little older now," she told him softly, melting in to him a little as he moved his arm to wrap around her.

"I'm sure you'll be fine babe," Paul says, pressing a kiss to her temple, "Besides, it's just a few nights. Then I'll be in the office for the rest of the week. I'll actually be home more often then I was for the girls," he reminded gently, lifting his hand to her chin to turn her head to face him. He pressed a light kiss to her lips, "I love you and you'll be fine, okay Steph?"

She kissed him back lightly, nodding her head at him. Usually he was able to reassure and comfort her easily but despite his words she still felt an uneasiness settle in her stomach. She faked a smile though, not wanting to worry Paul as she told him she loved him back.

"I think it's time to sleep," Paul chuckled as a yawn escaped her and she nodded in agreement. She was feeling extremely tired and was glad to be finally heading to bed. She changed for bed quickly, glad she'd already checked on the girls as Paul zipped up his suitcase and got ready for bed himself. "I'm going to check on the girls," he told her as she looked into Nathan's bassinet before slipping into bed.

Several minutes later after he'd checked on all three of his daughters Paul stepped back into his bedroom, smiling softly and shaking his head at his already sleeping wife. He pushed their door closed, leaving it the tiniest bit open so any of the girls could come in if they needed to. He turned off the light and slipped in to bed, wrapping an arm around his wife and pulling her close as he slowly fell asleep.

* * *

_A loud cry awoke Stephanie from her slumber abruptly, her eyes opening slowly as she tried to wake herself up a little more. She immediately recognized it as Nathan's cry and she turned over intending to wake Paul up to deal with him. Instead her hand came in to contact with an empty and cold bed. _

_She sat up quickly then, looking around their spacious bedroom trying to determine just where he was in the middle of the night. She didn't have too much time to contemplate it however as she heard her son cry again and she sighed, swinging her legs off the bed. Standing up she slowly made her way over to her son's bassinet, smiling tiredly down at the little boy as she picked him up carefully. _

"_It's okay Nathan, mommy's here," she whispered as she checked his diaper. He was completely dry and as she glanced at her clock she knew he couldn't be hungry yet because it was still hours away from his morning feed. She gently rocked him in her arms, trying to sooth him back to sleep, all the while glancing back over at the empty side of the bed where Paul should've been sleeping. _

_Nathan's cries, instead of calming down only began to increase until he was wailing his lungs out. Stephanie's eyes widened in alarm at her young son, not knowing what was causing him to cry like he was. She knew of course that some baby's just cried and she'd experienced that with her three older children but for some reason Nathan's cries were causing her to panic. _

_Time seemed to jump suddenly as all three of her daughters appeared in her bedroom, lips quivering and tears streaming down their faces. She looked at them in surprise, her son still crying wildly in her arms and she felt tightness in her chest. _

"_What's wrong? What are you girls doing out of bed?" she managed to ask, trying to keep her voice as calm as possible. _

"_We wants daddy," her second oldest Murphy mumbled as she clung to an old Triple H shirt she liked to sleep with. _

_Stephanie sighed at her daughters, shaking her head slightly as she looked back to her empty bed. She had no idea where Paul was and now she had four crying children in their room, all she assumed were wanting their father. She could see that Murphy and Vaughn were still half asleep as they stood by the door but she could tell that Aurora had already realized Paul wasn't in the room. _

"_Where's daddy?" she asked, pouting at her mother as her eyes welled up with tears. Her question had apparently made her two younger sisters realize that the big form of their father was missing also and before Stephanie knew it, Vaughn and Murphy were crying just as hysterically as Nathan._

"_I don't know," Stephanie replied weakly, stepping closer to her girls. "But you can come sleep in bed with me," she suggested, her own tears beginning to well up in her eyes. _

_All three girls continued to cry, shaking their heads at their mother's suggestion. "Please don't cry," she told them, looking back down at her still crying son as well. She felt helpless in that moment; four crying children and no way of comforting them and it made her heart ache._

_Stephanie begged for all four of her children to calm down, rocking Nathan in her arms she spoke to her daughters. She was getting desperate and all she wanted was for Paul to be there and take the children and calm them down because she obviously wasn't capable of it at the moment. She finally let the tears fall, wondering what type of mother she was if she couldn't even stop her own children from crying. _

Stephanie woke up abruptly to tears soaking her cheeks. Paul's arm was wrapped around her waist loosely, holding her to him. She turned over quickly to face him, hand coming up to rest against his cheek to make sure he was really there.

After making sure her husband was in fact there and in bed beside her, Stephanie slipped out easily from under his arm and out of bed. She wiped at the tears on her face as she made her way over to Nathan's bassinet, checking he was still sleeping peacefully. Taking a deep breath she tried to calm her racing heart; that dream had really disturbed her.

Wrapping her arms around herself, Stephanie made her way quietly out of the bedroom and towards their lounge room. Her heart was still beating fast and her mind was filled with images of her dream, tormenting her with her children's crying faces. She sat down on the leather couch, pulling her knees up to rest under her chin as she turned the tv on low, hoping it'd distract her from her thoughts.

The tv didn't work however, her mind refusing to get lost in the early morning programs. Instead her mind drifted back to her dream and before she knew it, tears were streaming heavily down her face. She continued to cry, hand covering her mouth as she tried not to sob and alert anyone to the fact that she was bawling her eyes out in front of the tv at 3 in the morning.

She didn't know what it was or why she was crying but now that she'd started, she couldn't seem to stop. In her mind she thought it was just hormones; after all she'd just had a baby and it'd been an intense couple of weeks. But she'd never been this emotional after having any of her daughters and she certainly hadn't cried in the middle of the night after she'd had them either.

It seemed like hours before she eventually stopped crying, falling asleep against the cool leather of the couch she was sitting upon. A stream of dusky light was what woke her up from her sleep as she groggily looked around and realized she wasn't in her room but in the lounge room. She shook her head, barely remembering what had happened the night before and why she was on the couch. She quickly turned the tv off and made her way quietly back in to her room, thanking God that Paul was still asleep as she crawled in to bed beside him.

* * *

_AN: Here is the first proper chapter. I'm totally surprised by how fast I wrote this and so I figured why not post it? I'm not normally this quick at updating so please don't get used to it. Also thank you for the people who reviewed, it's very much appreciated._

_I hope you enjoyed and please review! :) LT._


	3. Two

_A Beautiful Mess_

_Two _

* * *

Several hours later a tired Stephanie stood by the front door, watching as her husband said goodbye to their children. He stood up from hugging their youngest daughter, turning to her with a smile as she handed over a sleeping Nathan to him. She watched as he held his son close, placing a kiss to the top of his head as he said goodbye before handing him back to her.

"I love you," Paul told her as he leant over, pressing a kiss to her lips. "I'll be straight home after the Smackdown taping okay?" he told her, smiling happily as he looked over his family.

"Love you too," Stephanie replied softly. She hadn't told him about her dream or the extreme anxiousness it brought on. Instead she watched as he left their house, waving jovially to her and their children as he went.

As soon as the car had pulled out of their driveway and was no longer in sight the baby in her arms stirred, crying lightly as if he could sense his daddy was gone. Stephanie lightly bounced him in her arms as she made her way towards the kitchen, knowing that her son would be due to feed soon. She could hear her girls playing softly in the lounge room but soon cringed when she heard the familiar voice of her youngest start to cry.

She made her way quickly into the room, Nathan still whimpering a little in her arms, as she looked over her daughters. She sighed as she realized Aurora and Murphy were playing together, obviously leaving their little sister out of whatever game it was that had their attention. She shook her head, knowing this wasn't the first time they'd done this and knowing it definitely wouldn't be the last.

"Rory, Murph…are you letting your sister play?" she asked from the doorway. Her two eldest turned to her in surprise, not realizing she was in the room. Aurora's face scrunched in distaste at her words while Murphy looked a little more sheepish at having ignored her baby sister.

"Mama," Vaughn cried as she toddled her way over to Stephanie, arms outstretched to her mother.

"Hold on baby girl," Stephanie cooed as she moved further into the room and placed Nathan gently down in his baby rocker. Once he was settled Stephanie moved to sit on the couch, pulling her baby girl up into her lap. She hugged her for a moment, pressing a kiss to the top of her head lovingly.

She lifted her head then to look over at her two other daughters, "You need to learn to let Vaughn play with you guys, okay? It's not very nice to be left out, is it," she told them matter-of-factly.

Both little girls shook their heads at her words. "No, it's not nice," Aurora sighed, still pouting just a little.

"Sorry Vaughnie," Murphy said as she made her way over to her mother and sister, wrapping her arms awkwardly around her little sister.

Stephanie smiled at the sight, looking over at Aurora as she followed Murphy's lead. "Sorry Vaughn, you can come play with us," the six year old said, kissing her little sister's cheek sweetly. Vaughn smiled happily at her sisters' words, squirming off Steph's lap quickly as she followed her older sisters off to play.

The brunette watched her three daughters move across the lounge to play and smiled slightly. Usually the sight of her children happy and healthy made her heart lift but watching them play she felt a tightness in her chest as nothing but unease settled in her stomach. It was a horrible feeling, one she was trying not to let consume her as she sat idly for several minutes.

She chewed at the inside of her cheek anxiously as she tried to figure out a way to rid herself of the unwanted feelings bubbling up inside her. Nathan's hungry cries broke her from her thoughts and she shook her head, as she stood up, moving to pick Nathan up from his rocker. She cradled him securely in her arms, swaying him gently as she made her way to the kitchen.

"I know baby boy, you're hungry. Mommy's getting your bottle now," she told him softly.

She took a pre-made bottle out of the fridge with one hand and placed it into the microwave for 30 seconds. Stephanie bounced the boy in her arms slightly as he continued to cry a little, a hand reaching up to clutch at a stray piece of hair that had fallen over her shoulder. The wrestling executive was pleasantly surprised by how settled her son seemed to be at the moment; he was usually quite a fussy baby for her.

The beep of the microwave took her attention again as she grabbed the bottle out of the metal contraption. She shifted the baby in her arms as she pressed the teat of the bottle against her wrist, testing the temperature of the milk inside. It was just warm enough and Stephanie smiled as she walked back into the lounge room, grabbing a spare bib off the counter as she went passed.

Stephanie sat her self comfortably on the lounge chair, pulling a cushion beneath her arm to help support her as she fed Nathan. She set him up in the crook of her arm, baby bib around his neck as she pressed the bottle to his mouth. Nathan was eager and hungry as he sucked the teat hungrily, gurgling happily at finally being fed.

Ten minutes later Nathan was finished his bottle and Stephanie had him sitting up on her leg, both hands supporting him as she patted his back gently, trying to burp him. He had fed easily and was now content, letting out a big little baby burp, causing a little milk to trickle out of his mouth. Stephanie cleaned it up, satisfied that he was done before taking the bib off and placing it next to her on the lounge chair.

The anxiety she had felt before feeding the baby had dissipated somewhat, instead leaving a vague feeling of worry in its place. She decided not to dwell on it though. Her girls were playing happily and peacefully together and her son was content in her arms. It seemed like her day was going well and she wasn't going to ruin it over unfounded worries plaguing her mind.

* * *

_AN: So here is the second chapter. Not as long as the first one but I can't promise consistent chapter lengths or updates really. This is more a filler chapter, kind of setting up things to come in the next few chapters. Plus, I really wanted to write some interactions with Stephanie and the girls and really, I just like the domesticity of it all. I was slightly uncomfortable writing the Levesque girls, purely because they are real children and I just found it odd but I eventually worked through that. _

_Also, sorry this chapter took so long, I was having a little trouble writing it. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Please review! :) LT._


	4. Three

_A Beautiful Mess_

_Three _

* * *

Stephanie's seemingly stress free day lasted until dinnertime. It seemed that none of the children were particularly fond of the spaghetti that had been made and her middle daughter had taken it upon herself to throw a tantrum about it. Vaughn, while not wanting to eat it, had decided it was a perfect accessory to the clean polished wooden floors and Aurora had just simply pushed her plate away in disgust.

"Murphy Claire Levesque! Sit down and eat your dinner. Now," Stephanie ordered sternly, doing her best to sound stern.

"No," her four year old replied pouting. The little girl deliberately pushed at the chair she was standing beside before leaning over and pushing at Aurora's chair too.

Aurora turned to glare at her sister, using one hand to push Murphy away, causing the younger girl to stumble a little. "Don't push me!" Murphy shouted angrily, swinging her hand back and hitting at her older sister. Aurora, despite being older, wasn't in a good mood either and quickly retaliated, both girls hitting and shoving at each other before Stephanie could break them up.

"Enough! Both of you!" she yelled angry and stressed, poor Vaughn sitting quietly in the background as she hoped her yelling and the girls hadn't woken Nathan. She picked Murphy up with a little difficulty, keeping the little girls back to her front as she looked at Aurora. "Your room. Now Aurora," she ordered, hoping she sounded as serious as she was.

"But mommy!" Aurora cried, trying to defend herself.

"I don't care. Go to your room Aurora," Stephanie immediately cut her off, not sounding as calm as she and Paul usually tried to be when dealing with the children.

The little girl stomped off to her room, slamming her bedroom door shut as Stephanie winced at the noise. Eventually she turned her attention back to the squirming little girl in her arms, who it seems was seconds away from trying to bite her to let her go. Stephanie sighed tiredly, hoisting her second daughter further up into her arms as she made her way out of the dining room.

She didn't say anything, too angry to keep her composure until she got to Murphy's room. She stepped inside, placing her middle daughter on her bed as she took a deep breath to calm herself. Murphy threw herself face down on the bed; hands over her ears, knowing she didn't want to listen to herself get in trouble.

"You are not to come out of this room until I come and get you do you understand? Then you are going to apologize to your sister for pushing her and hitting her. Okay?" Stephanie told her, bending down to her level. She rolled her eyes as her little girl vaguely shook her head at her words. She reached out, pulling a hand away from the little girls ear, "Do you understand Murphy?" she asked again, to which her daughter just glared at her.

Stephanie stood up with a sigh, shaking her head as she made her way out of her stubborn daughters room. She closed the door behind her, hoping Murphy would listen and stay in her room as she walked down the hall a little to Aurora's room. She knew she should check on her eldest girl; Aurora hadn't started it but she had hit her sister back and that was never okay.

Knocking on the door she pushed it open a little, "Aurora?" she called as she stepped inside. The six year old was sat on her bed, a wrestling figurine of her father Triple H in her hands as she played with him. She looked up at her mother, cuddling the toy to her as she pouted.

"What?" she asked quietly, crossing her legs in front of her.

"I know you didn't start it Aurora but you did hit Murphy back. You know hitting each other isn't acceptable in this house. So you've got a 10-minute time out, then you are going to sit down and eat your dinner. And you are to apologize for hitting Murphy when she comes out of her time out too. Alright?" she told her gently.

Aurora shrugged, "Alright mommy," she answered.

"Good," Stephanie nodded as she left the room.

She made her way back into the dining room, sighing as she saw the mess little Vaughn had made of the place. She shook her head as she grabbed both of her elder daughters bowls and placed them in the microwave. She figured she may as well get Vaughn fed and cleaned up before letting Aurora out of time out.

Ten minutes later and Vaughn and the floor were relatively cleaner but she knew her youngest daughter would need a bath before bed. She wiped at the spaghetti sauce covering Vaughn's chin as she carried her towards the bathroom. Stephanie stopped on the way, letting Aurora out of her time out and telling her she'd be back down to warm up her dinner in a minute.

She quickly started running the bath water, Vaughn on her hip before heading back downstairs. She warmed the meal up in the microwave, placing it in front of her eldest with a pointed look, telling her to eat. "I'm going to give Vaughn her bath and then Murphy okay? When you're done you can watch some tv until you have to have yours," she told her as she walked out of the dining room.

Bath time seemed to go relatively easier for Stephanie and her children but all the stress of dinnertime had brought back the anxious and uneasy feelings that seemed to be a permanent fixture for Stephanie. Since dinner, all the wrestling executive had wanted to do was cry but she had four children to look after and dealing with her own emotions could obviously wait. Still, she was glad when they were all settled on the lounge watching the beginning of Monday Night Raw.

Nathan was in her arms wide-awake and having just been fed. He had a fairly successful feeding schedule but it seemed like no matter what they tried he wouldn't fall into any kind of sleep pattern at all. It was frustrating and tiring but at least when Paul had been on leave they could share the burden, now it'd mostly just be her. She rocked him gently in her arms, hoping he'd fall asleep soon, knowing at least two of her other children were well on their way.

It shouldn't have surprised her however that it wasn't until after seeing his daddy on tv that he fell asleep. Murphy too had stayed awake only long enough to see Paul and it seemed Vaughn had fallen asleep within the first half an hour of Raw being on air. Stephanie stood as carefully as she could, not wanting to wake any of the three sleeping children.

She made her way to her room, placing her baby boy down in his bassinet, taking the second baby monitor off the nightstand. As she walked into the lounge room, she placed the device on the coffee table before picking Vaughn up gently and taking the little girl to her room. She repeated the action with Murphy before finally sitting down next to a sleepy Aurora who cuddled up to her side.

Apparently sitting down to a quiet house, with only the noise of the tv in the background was enough to make her hormones go haywire. She hugged a half asleep Aurora to her side, not noticing the tears that were silently spilling down her cheeks. Her gaze was on the television screen but her mind was lost elsewhere, mixed up in horrible thoughts of the dream she'd had the night before.

It seemed her mind wouldn't stop plaguing her with the thoughts of being a bad mother. It was silly and she knew it was but there was a nagging voice in the back of her head just telling her it was true. Her mind replayed the events of dinner, none of her girls eating and then Aurora and Murphy getting into an actual physical fight. Her mind told her she should have stopped it before it had even happened and she hadn't.

In fact, Vaughn had barely eaten enough, her mind told her and she couldn't even put Nathan to sleep. It took seeing his father for him to even been comfortable enough to sleep. Now that she thought about it, both Murphy and Nathan wouldn't sleep until they saw or spoke to their daddy and it made Stephanie wonder if that was her fault. Was she not enough for her children?

She tried to shake the dangerous thoughts away, unconsciously holding Aurora tighter to her as she continued to let the thoughts run rampant through her mind. She suddenly felt guilty and hopeless, wondering if maybe she really was a bad mother. It made her heart ache at the thought because she really did love her children. _But she couldn't love them that much if she was such a useless mother to them could she?_ Her mind whispered to her.

"Mommy?" a voice broke through her thoughts and she was startled to find Aurora looking up at her in concern. "Why are you crying?" she asked innocently.

Stephanie shook her head, wiping quickly at her tears, embarrassed at having let her daughter see her cry. "It's nothing, I'm fine sweetie," she insisted, grabbing the remote and turning the television off as she stood up. "Come on, let's go to bed," she said, helping her daughter off the lounge chair.

Aurora looked up at her mother with a frown but followed her around the house as Stephanie locked up and turned out the lights. The thoughts were still swimming through her mind but she was trying to ignore them until she got to the safety of her own room. She tucked her eldest in, hugging her tightly, "I love you sweetie. Goodnight, sweet dreams," she whispered to her.

"Goodnight mommy. Love you," Aurora whispered back, kissing her mothers cheek gently.

Stepping out of her daughters' room, she quickly checked on the rest of her daughters before escaping to her bedroom. She fed Nathan one last time, glad he stayed sleeping through it and hoping he wouldn't wake up too early in the morning. Stephanie quickly changed out of her clothes and into her pajamas, curling up in her bed, hugging Paul's pillow to her chest as she finally let herself cry once again.

* * *

_AN: This all just came to me apparently and I couldn't stop writing. This wasn't going to be the original chapter but I'm actually glad it is. We're finally getting a closer look into Stephanie's thoughts, which is quite an important part of this story. Also, just because I'm not sure if some of you have realised this yet, this story is about Stephanie having post-partum depression and how she and the rest of the family deal with it. There is going to be some tough stuff coming up in this story and I just wanted to warn you beforehand and make sure you all knew what you were getting into._

_Anyway, thank you all for the reviews. I hope you enjoyed. Please review. :) LT._


	5. Four

_A Beautiful Mess_

_Four _

* * *

Several weeks had passed and it was now the weekend before Aurora's first year at school. Aurora was very excited to start the first grade and so to celebrate Stephanie and Paul had decided to have a little family get together; including both their parents and their siblings.

Over the weeks however Paul and Stephanie seemed to argue about the littlest things and it was driving Paul crazy. There was a distance between him and his wife and he wanted to know what was causing it and how he could fix it. Right now though he just needed a quick little break from the party and from Stephanie ignoring him so he headed in to the kitchen to grab himself a bottle of water.

"Is everything okay Paul?" Linda McMahon asked as she made her way into her daughter's kitchen to speak with her son-in-law. There was something going on with Stephanie, Linda could just tell, it was no doubt a mother thing.

"What do you mean?" the wrestler asked, turning to look at the older woman. "Everything's good."

Linda shook her head, "With Stephanie, Paul. She seems…distant."

Paul sighed then, closing the fridge door, a bottle of water in his large hand. He knew exactly what Linda was talking about but he wasn't sure himself what was wrong. He'd actually started to think that he was imagining things over the last few weeks but hearing his mother in law's question he knew he wasn't.

"You've noticed?" he questioned, not really answering her question though.

"Yes I have. This is the first time I've seen or heard from her in weeks and I thought at first it was just because we're both busy. But being here, I can see it's not just me. She's barely spoken to anyone, except the girls," she said, crossing her arms over her chest as she thought about what could be wrong.

"I know…uh, I thought it was just because I started to go back to the shows you know? But I don't think that's it. We've uh…actually been arguing a lot lately," Paul admitted, running a hand through his loose hair. It felt odd for him to admit something like that, especially to Stephanie's mom but it felt like the kind of thing that could be connected. "I'm not really sure what's wrong," he sighed, feeling confused and useless about what to do. They'd honestly never argued so frequently about such petty things before and it was tiring.

Linda frowned a little at Paul's words, about to say something when she was beaten by the sweet little voice of her grand daughter. "Mommy cries sometimes," Aurora interrupts from by the kitchen door. Both her father and grandma turn to her in surprise, not realizing she was there or had heard their conversation.

"Rora, what are you talking about?" Paul asked, a frown gracing his features as he processed what his eldest child had said. Linda stood beside him, a similar expression on her face as she looked over at the little girl.

Aurora shrugged as she moved over to stand by her dad, wrapping an arm around his leg. She looked up at her daddy and grandma as she spoke, "Sometimes she goes to her room and cries during the day and when you go to wrestling," she admits, shrugging a little.

"Does she do that a lot sweetie?" Linda asked once she realized Paul was a little too shocked to reply to his daughter.

Aurora nodded, "All the time," she said quietly, hugging into her father more. The wrestler seemed to snap out of his thoughts at the little girls words, putting the water bottle on the bench before leaning down to pick up his daughter. She wrapped her little arms around his neck as best she could, cuddling into her father. "Why's mommy so sad?" she asked softly.

"Why do you think she's sad?" Paul asked, rubbing a hand up and down the little girl's back soothingly.

"Mommy cries and I cry when I'm sad," she shrugs innocently.

"That's true," Paul nods, "But you don't need to worry about that okay? Because even if mommy is sad she loves you, all of you," he reassured the six year old, squeezing her gently.

Aurora just nods, hugging him tighter as Paul looks over to Linda, a frown firmly set in place. The elder woman too had a look of concern marring her features at her grand daughters words. She reached out to rub her hand gently over Aurora's back before turning to leave the kitchen but not before shooting a look over at Paul.

* * *

"So I was thinking," Paul started as he and Stephanie began to get ready for bed. "Maybe we could…hire a nanny to help out for a little while," he suggested casually.

After his conversation with Linda and then what Aurora had revealed, Paul couldn't help but wonder if maybe Stephanie was just overwhelmed with having to look after 4 children all the time. With Aurora going into first grade now he thought a nanny might be good for a little while to help out, after all they'd had one before for the other girls.

"We don't need a nanny," Stephanie scoffed quickly, turning to glance at her husband somewhat hurt and angrily. "I am perfectly capable of looking after our children Paul," she told him defensively.

Paul frowned as he turned to look fully over at his wife. He didn't understand why she was so angry at his suggestion. It was a reasonable thought, they had had a nanny before and he didn't understand why she'd be against it now.

"I'm not saying you're not capable," he quickly tried to placate, "I was just thinking with Aurora starting school, you might need the little bit of help. Besides it might do you some good to have some time to yourself, you know?"

Stephanie's eyes widened at his words. "It might do me some good to have time to myself?" she repeated a little shrilly, "What the hell is that supposed to mean? And I do _not _need help looking after our children!" she practically growled, her anger growing irrationally at her husband's words.

"Whoa, calm down Steph," Paul said as he made his way over towards Stephanie. "I just meant you might like a break. You're with the kids all day and even though I'm here during the nights and the weekends, you're still with them all the time," he continued, trying to soothe his obviously agitated wife.

He reached out his hands to rest on her waist and pull her closer but she slapped them away. She crossed her arms over her chest as she felt her hands begin to tremble as thoughts ran dangerously through her mind.

"Don't tell me to calm down," she practically shouted. "You don't think I can look after our children," she accused, glaring at him now, trying not to let the tears well up in her eyes.

"I _never _said that Stephanie!" Paul growled back, starting to get a little angry himself. He didn't understand what was going on but they'd both been quick to anger over the last few weeks and her mood swings were starting to wear thin on his nerves. He was only trying to help his wife and now he was getting yelled at for his troubles.

"You damn well implied it," she said through gritted teeth. Her mind telling her that Paul thought she was just as useless a mother as she thought she was.

"No I fucking didn't," the wrestler spat back, running a hand through his long hair angrily. "I was just trying to help. What the hell is wrong with you Stephanie?" he continued, breathing deeply to try and calm his anger.

Stephanie stood and stared at him for a moment, anger and anxiety clouding her mind, before moving around him towards their bed. She picked up his pillow, tossing it firmly against his chest as she spoke. "Get out," she told him firmly.

"Excuse me?" He replied, looking down at the pillow now in his arms in confusion.

"I said get out. I'm not sleeping next to a man who doesn't think I can look after our children," she told him almost hysterically.

She pushed him easily towards the door, Paul too stunned to try and resist. It was only after a moment; with his bedroom door slammed closed in front of his face that Paul realized what had happened. Stephanie had actually kicked him out of their bedroom for the night; that had never happened before. In the 12 years they'd been together not once had she ever kicked him out of their bed or their room and Paul honestly didn't know what to do.

* * *

_AN: Hey! Here's chapter four. Finally some Paul! Also, some Paul and Stephanie interaction but...probably not the kind some of you would want. I wanted to show the kind of affect something like this can have on a relationship because even though only women get PPD, it can and does effect everything and everyone around them. So yeah._

_I hope you enjoyed. Please review. :) LT._


	6. Five

_A Beautiful Mess_

_Five _

* * *

Stephanie spent most of the night awake, crying or trying desperately to stop her head from aching. She lay in their large bed, empty by her own fault and hugged at her pillow desperately; wanting it to smell like Paul but knowing it wouldn't. Despite still feeling angry with her husband she wanted nothing more than for him to hold her and comfort her right now but she knew that wasn't going to happen.

She had kicked him out of their room, something she had never done before and now her mind was telling her she didn't deserve to have him comfort her like that because it was her own fault anyway. It was becoming abundantly clear to her that her own mind was against her as it continuously told her how bad of a mother she was and how easy it was for her to believe it. She didn't want to believe it of course, she had always thought she was the best mother that she could be to her children but now for no logical reason she was doubting herself.

Stephanie shook her head, lying in bed analyzing her own mind wasn't helping in the slightest. All she really wanted was the thoughts to go away. She rolled onto her side, clutching her pillow tightly as she tried not to let the voices in her mind tell her what a failure she was as a mother.

It took her a long time to fall asleep, the thoughts terrorizing her mind, keeping her awake. Eventually however exhaustion took over and she fell into an uneasy and restless sleep, like most every other night recently. The nightmares came again, the same as always, her children in trouble and her not being able to do anything to help them. The worst part about the nightmare however had been that, unlike the others Paul had been there but he had deemed her useless, told her he didn't love her and had taken her children from her. It was that scene that had woken her up in tears, barely able to breathe and clutching at her chest in pain.

* * *

The sound of giggling and a tiny finger poking at his bare chest woke Paul fairly quickly from his uncomfortable slumber. He'd resorted to watching television in the lounge room for a while before going back to his bedroom and trying to convince her to let him sleep in their bed. He realized however, as he opened his eyes and sat up, that he had fallen asleep while watching whatever program had been on.

He cringed as he felt a slight tweak in his back, a man his size and age he realized, was not suited to sleeping on a lounge chair. He put on a smile though when he realized the reason for his abrupt awakening standing before him. His two youngest daughters, Murphy and Vaughn stood by the lounge chair, trying not to giggle as he woke up.

"Why are you sleeping out here Daddy?" Murphy asked as she moved closer to lean against his leg.

"I accidentally fell asleep," he told them, leaning forward to press a kiss to both their foreheads. "Are you two the only ones awake?" he asked, picking up the remote to turn the tv off.

Murphy shook her head, "No, mommy's feeding baby Nathan," she told him. "Me and Vaughn are hungry. Hey Vaughn?" she continued, turning to look at her little sister. The two year old just nodded at her sisters' words, still half asleep as Paul chuckled.

"Alright then, let's get you some breakfast," Paul announced, picking up his youngest daughter as he stood. "What do you girls want for breakfast?" he asked as they made their way to the kitchen.

"Toast and 'nana," Vaughn piped in happily at the mention of food, grinning at her daddy.

"Okay baby girl, banana on toast it is," he chuckled before turning to his other daughter. "You want banana toast as well Murph?" he asked as they walked into the large kitchen.

"Yes!" The 4 year old nodded, bouncing slightly against the bench as Paul placed his youngest daughter down beside her.

"Where are your manners Murphy?" he slightly admonished, looking down at her with raised eyebrows.

"Yes please daddy," she said again with an exaggerated sigh. He shook his head at his middle daughter; the slight attitude wasn't a new thing but he just hoped it wasn't a permanent thing either.

"Thank you," he nodded, turning to start making both girls' their breakfast. As he waited for the toast to pop he looked around the kitchen and noticed his eldest child hadn't yet made an appearance. "Where's Aurora?" he asked as he moved to grab two bananas and cut them up to place on the toast.

"She is with mommy," Murphy tells him, absently opening and shutting one of the cupboard doors as she waited for her breakfast. Vaughn had toddled her way over to the breakfast table trying to pull a chair out and sit on it to wait for her breakfast; Paul shook his head as he chuckled at the little girl before moving over there to pull the chair out for her and helping her onto the seat.

He walked back over to the toaster as the toast popped up, making their breakfasts quickly. He ushered Murphy to the table and into a seat before placing a plate in front of both of them. "Do you want some milk with that?" he asked as he picked up half of Vaughn's banana, popping it quickly in his own mouth.

"Yes p'ease dada," his 2 year old answered happily, a bite of her toast already filling her mouth.

"Me too please daddy," Murphy replied calmer than her sister, feet swinging happily from the chair she was sitting in.

Paul got them both their drinks before making his own breakfast and sitting down to eat with his little girls. He'd only been sitting for several moments before Stephanie made an appearance, Nathan in her arms and Aurora trailing after her. She barely glanced at him as he stood up, finished with his breakfast and asked to take his son. Paul tried not to take offence to the fact that her grip tightened on their son before handing him over.

"Can you watch the kids while I take a shower?" Stephanie asked somewhat coldly, only briefly catching his eyes.

"Of course," he grumbles, looking away from her to gaze down at his son. He notices his wife getting Aurora's breakfast before leaving the kitchen and heading upstairs towards their bedroom. He smiled up over at his oldest child and his heart swelled as he noticed the happy, carefree expressions on all his children's faces.

Things may have started to become rocky between him and Stephanie but he was glad to see that so far it hadn't affected his children too greatly. He held Nathan up to his face, blowing raspberries against his neck and cheek as the little boy giggled in delight. Once the girls were done with their breakfast he directed them to place their dirty dishes in the dishwasher before ushering them up the stairs to their bedrooms to get dressed.

Leaving the three girls to get dressed he entered his own bedroom, checking Nathan's diaper and realizing he needed to change his son. Just as he was finishing changing his son, he heard the shower stop and several moments later he saw Stephanie step out of the en suite bathroom fully dressed and still solidly ignoring him.

He picked the baby up, turning to face her as she went over to her vanity, "The girls are getting dressed and I changed Nathan," he told her a little stiltedly, awkwardness washing over him. "I'm gonna grab a shower," he continued quietly, walking over to place Nathan in his bassinet.

Stephanie just nodded and Paul couldn't wait to escape to the bathroom, if only to get away from the weird tenseness that now surrounded he and his wife. The wrestler spent as long as was reasonable in the shower before getting out and getting dressed with a sigh. Walking out into the bedroom he wasn't surprised by the absence of his wife and son from the room and was secretly grateful that he didn't have to deal with her.

Leaving the room and heading downstairs he heard the excited voices of his girls and made his way into the lounge room curiously. His brows creased in slight confusion as he saw his mother in law Linda McMahon sitting on the lounge chair with the baby in her arms and her three granddaughters around her.

"Daddy!" Murphy said excitedly, "Grandma came to visit!" she told him, bouncing energetically in front of the older woman.

"I can see that," Paul chuckled, glancing around to see where Stephanie had disappeared too. "Hello Linda," he greeted, nodding at Stephanie's mother.

"Paul," Linda greeted, smiling at the wrestler. "I came to try and persuade Stephanie to come out and catch up," she told him, giving him a look that Paul knew meant she was going to try and get her daughter to open up about what was wrong.

It was at that point that Stephanie came through from the kitchen, a piece of toast in hand. She frowned a little at her mother's words, not liking the idea of leaving the children, especially Nathan. She knew Paul would be watching them but the nightmare she'd had the night before was still fresh in her mind and as irrational as it was, she just didn't trust Paul not to leave while she was gone. The mere thought of it hurt her heart even when she knew it wouldn't happen.

"I don't know about that mom," She chimed in, sitting on an armchair across from her mother. "Nathan's still young," she insisted, pulling Vaughn onto her lap as the toddler made her way over to her.

"You haven't been out without him yet have you?" Linda asked knowingly, sending a pointed look at her only daughter.

Stephanie looked at least a little sheepishly at her mother, as she shook her head, "No."

"Well now's a good time to start. So hand those kids over to your husband, get your purse and we'll go get coffee," Linda told her in a tone that brokered no argument.

The elder woman stood up, pressing a kiss to all her grandchildren before passing her grandson over to his father carefully. She waited on her daughter patiently, watching as she said goodbye to all her children and rattled off a list of instructions to Paul about their son. She found it odd however that as they walked out the door, the couple didn't embrace or even say goodbye to each other and frowned. Something had obviously happened after the little barbecue yesterday and Linda was now even more determined to find out what was going on with her daughter.

* * *

_AN: I'm not even going to lie, this wasn't the original chapter. I changed it maybe three times. This is literally almost 1500 words of pure domesticity because I felt like it. It's a filler chapter but I guess some important stuff is addressed. _

_Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and please review! :) LT._


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